Resolving Timeline Issues

The Elephant on my Head

Posted on: July 3, 2008

On Monday, I ate a chocolate bar. A Mars bar. And you know what? It tasted damn good.
(cue body nudging me)

On Tuesday, I had ice cream. It also tasted damn good.
(cue body kicking me in the shin)

On Wednesday, I had another Mars bar. It tasted really damn good.
(cue body beating me over the head)

Why does this matter?

I don’t have a sweet tooth. I’m pretty fussy about the chocolate I eat and usually a Mars bar is the last thing on my list of sweet things to eat. Ice cream ranks higher (but that’s because its got a lot of fat in it). But the last few days I wanted the sugar. There’s only one time when I want sugar – and that’s when I’m about to get a migraine.

This morning, the alarm went off at the usual oh-god-thirty. I reached over and slapped it off, then sat up and felt an elephant on my head. So I laid down for another 15 minutes.

I sat up again and the room spun around and a jackhammer started digging at my brain. My stomach turned into a pancake and was flipped over.

Once the room and stomach settled down, I stumbled downstairs to get my cel phone. I made three calls: the first was to my carpool buddy (whose alarm doesn’t go off at oh-god-thirty, but earlier at you’ve-got-to-be-fucking-kidding-me-forty five), my manager and another coworker, just in case to let them know there was no way I would in on time. I’m not really sure how coherent I was but I think the message got across.

At some point Darren came upstairs to wake me up. I think I grunted at him and said something about an elephant on my head. When he finished his morning ablutions, he kissed me goodbye and I went back to sleep. For FOUR MORE HOURS.

My head was still hurting when I got up, but the elephant was gone and had been replaced by a…I don’t know. Some slightly smaller creature like a large cat. A lynx maybe? I stumbled downstairs again, reheated some coffee and fed the cat.

The coffee stayed down, thank god.

I trundled off to work, head still pounding, and sulked at my desk – especially when the ambulances went by (I work 3 blocks from a major hospital).

And now I will take some coedine and go to bed.

*to give you an idea of what time oh-god-thirty is, I offer this: I slept for an additional four hours, have an hour’s commute to work, and still managed to get there at 11am)

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2 Responses to "The Elephant on my Head"

“…whose alarm doesn’t go off at oh-god-thirty, but earlier at you’ve-got-to-be-fucking-kidding-me-forty five”

Hahaha, girl that was funny 😀

I’ve never had a migraine and I feel blessed for that. Hope you feel better tomorrow.

Based on my backward finger counting I figure it’s about an hour later than the don’t-be-fucking-ridiculous-thirty that I get up at to work at this hell hole. But I suck at counting.

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