Resolving Timeline Issues

Archive for March 2009

Courtesy of my chiropractor:

You’re bigger than you were last week!

Courtesy of workplace:

Wow! Look at you! When are you due again?


Oh…are you sure? You look bigger than that!


You look like you’re 9 months!


I knew you were coming because I saw your belly  before I saw you!

Courtesy of asshole at workplace, who hands me a note during a meeting:

You are looking somewhat overweight from where I’m sitting.

Coworker who I haven’t seen since January or so:

Hey! Long time no see! You look great! When are you due again?


Ohhhhhhhh. Wow.

Courtesy of other coworker who I see regularly:

Hey, how are you feeling?  Based on your size, I’ll bet its getting awkward and heavy.

What it boils down to: yes, I know I’m getting bigger. IT’S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. Now. Shut. Up.

Dear Sears Canada:

Why do you only offer a portion of the stuff online that you offer in your stores? This is not helpful when building a baby registry.




Dear Hudson’s Bay Company (HBC):

I thought I would try to support Canada’s premier department store (and the oldest company in the world) with my baby registry. I know you’re having money issues and things have been tough. So because my time is very limited, I was ecstatic when I saw you could make a baby registry online.

Except then I discovered that I could set up the registry online, but in order to add stuff to it, I’d have to actually go into the store. Further, I’d have to make an appointment.

HBC, WTF? I can understand that you want people to actually go into the store because then they’re more likely to buy stuff. But I just want to add stuff to my registry. And the point of an online registry is that I can sit at home, naked, and add things to my registry.

Can we fix this please? I’m assuming its the same for your wedding registry so you might want to do something about that because people are busy these days – they want to be able to build registries when they have the time.




Dear Toys R Us:

I was looking forward to building my baby registry with you. I am a big fan of the one-stop shopping. Also, you have an online registry and people can order from there so its great for people who are in locations where there is no physical Toys R Us.

Also, the online registry where you can add items you want to it. Seeing as I’m rather pinched on time until my maternity leave starts, and the start of that is too late to build a registry, I thought this was a fantabulous idea.

Except when I tried to add some Pink Zebra Booties, it substituted Blue Elephant Booties. And then I tried to add some pink and purple soothers and it substituted green soothers. And then some pink onesies and yellow onesies and it substitute blue. I thought this was really odd so I looked for an email address where I could ask my question about why the fuck its doing this. Because really, if I wanted blue or green, I would have PICKED blue or green.

(And yes, I know girls can wear blue or green, but the principle is that the customer gets what the customer wants, generally. And when it comes to a baby registry, its a highly emotional process. Don’t mess with Mommy)

And there was no email address on your site that I could find. So I called customer service and was told that the online registry automatically substitutes items when the ones you pick are not available in the warehouse. Upon asking how to fix it, I was told to try again later, or go into a store and to add what I wanted. Or they could connect me to a local store who might have the item in stock and they did they could get the SKU number and manually add it to my registry.

Toys R Us? This does not help me at all. If I had the time to call the store or go into the store, I WOULD GO INTO THE STORE AND DO MY REGISTRY MANUALLY.

The point of an online registry is that people can add what they want ONLINE. Its a disservice to customers, not to mention disrespectful of their time to force them to come in (especially when the nearest Toys R Us is a 30 minute drive away).

So when I finally dig up an email address for you by googling “Toys R Us Canada” I am further unimpressed by your answer that you’re “working hard to resolve this technical issue” and that you’re unable to help me at this point. This is when I ask you to delete my registry.

And I finally got what I wanted: you deleted my registry. Thank you for this excellence in former customer service.



  • In: 42 | up the duff | WTF?
  • Comments Off on In which I receive a demonstration of why pregnant women shouldn’t go out in public

I started replying to this post over here, and then realized I was hijacking the comment thread, so I thought I’d make a post instead.

The last couple of days have been insanely busy. On Friday the inlaws called with directions to pick out some baby furniture. So on Sunday we went to the mall and looked at Sears and the Bay and got overwhelmed by the sheer amount of crap stuff you can buy for babies.

As an aside, seriously, people. They’re barely aware for the first six weeks; they’re focusing on growing and staying alive. So long as they eat, sleep and poop, you’re doing pretty good. The toys and swings can come later.

At any rate the result was we found some furniture, he snapped, I cried, he felt bad, we went home. I didn’t sleep much that night because who knows why, really. I ended getting up at 3:30am after giving up on the sleep thing.

That aside, I got a lot done from 3:30 until I had to go to work.

Monday we had prenatal and I’m pretty sure that the instructor likes us less each and every class. Especially when Darren refused to pretend to be a pregnant woman having a caesarean. She was Not Amused.

Note: this story is not as amusing as it sounds, except for the part where the instructor got all school-marm-ish, so you’re getting the coles notes version. Although we did learn lots which is another post in itself and proves just how ignorant we are about this stuff.

So that went from 7-9 after being at work all day. We had managed to get home at 6:30, grabbed a quick bite to eat and dashed out again. I was kind of tired, and went to bed shortly. And someone decided he wanted to get up 15 minutes earlier (there’s a reason for this) and so I missed out on some beauty sleep (waking up every hour the night before + less than a necessary 8 hours the next night = unhappy Nicole)

ANYWAYS (and my, that was quite the digression, but at least I can refer back to it for future posts because the baby brain is killing me. Slowly)…

Yesterday after work we went to the grocery store and then the chiro. I fell asleep in the car on the way home and I am usually somewhat cranky after a nap. I do not nap well and have a hard time getting going afterwards. Darren knows this and doesn’t talk to me much right after I wake up because he knows better than that.

We had two things to do that evening: some groceries and chiro appointments for both of us (they put us in the same room at the same time so it only takes about 20 minutes and $80)


We go to Safeway and its busy (for this one – its usually pretty quiet). And they have about 2 cashiers open. So I stand in line and Darren goes off to do whatever. And I wait while the cashier gets chatty. With everyone. And if there’s one thing I despise its chatty cashiers. I had suggested the self checkouts (which I lurve beyond reason), and Darren scoffed at it. And then left.

He also comes into the living room, changes the channel on the TV and then leaves a bit later.

So I finally get to the front of the line and the cashier and she asks me, “So when’s the big day?” and starts scanning my items.

And I just look at her because (a) its none of her business and (b) she has a job to do and quite honestly asking a stranger when her due date is not part of that job.

And she STOPS scanning, and says, “Well?” and looks at me expectantly like she’s not going to keep scanning stuff until I answer her. Then she started tapping the box of granola bars.

So I relented and mumbled something about May. She started scanning again and launches into a horror story of her own birth experience.

Moral of the story? Use the bloody self checkouts.

Then I went to chiro and he couldn’t get my back to move into place.

Then he says, “Well you weren’t as easy as you’ve been in the past…”

A week or so ago, Katie introduced me to 101 Cookbooks. And I spotted this recipe for Cottage Cheese Muffins. And I thought they’d be good to have on hand during the week for quick breakfasts, since we’re up at you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me-thirty and out the door at oh-my-god-thirty (well before the rooster crows).

So this morning I (attempted) to make them. I preheated the oven, set out all the ingredients, measured them, ground the almonds in the blender, chopped up the sundried tomatoes in the food processor, mixed up the eggs, threw the whole shebang into a bowl and started mixing.

Hm, I thought to myself, this looks awfully dry. But oh well, maybe it’s supposed to look like that.

So I spooned the mixture into the cups, put the muffin tray on a cookie sheet (because I just cleaned the oven last week, you know) put them in the oven for 30 minutes and started cleaning up.

When I turned around, I realized why the mixture was so dry. The bowl where I had put the eggs? Was still sitting there. With the eggs in it.

So I yanked the muffins out of the oven, put the mixture back in the bowl, mixed the mess up and put  in the oven.

And this is why I shouldn’t be allowed to bake.


Crunchy Granola Prenatal instructor: …and some cultures eat the placenta!
Darren: [bugeyes]
Me (whispered): So are you going to go home and find a recipe for placenta muffins?
Darren: You know, some cultures eat their dead, too.
Crunchy Granola Prenatal Instructor: [deathgaze] So anyways…

…then, well, it can’t be all that bad.

Then again, I think I have a bit of an addictive personality (see: wine, smoking) and since I can neither drink wine nor smoke at the moment (and really have no intentions of restarting the latter), I’ve been feeding my addiction/obsession in other ways. Like menu planning.

Over at orgjunkie is a weekly thing called menu plan Monday. Basically, its a way to force you to menu plan for the entire week. Dinners, mainly. I’ve menu planned before and (a) lost weight  and (b) been much less stressed. I’ve even done the thing where you prepare a week’s worth of meals on a weekend day and freeze/store them in anticipation of the upcoming week. However, (a) is not a priority at this point and (b) doesn’t always work because someone doesn’t like leftovers as the main dish. Sometimes this is a “too bad, find something else for yourself” day but not often. Instead I use the leftovers for salads, sandwiches (although we are trying to reduce sugar so breads are sort of iffy), etc.

SO, where was I?

Right. Awhile back, I emailed Katie asking for various grain-type recipes because really, this baby doesn’t seem to like me eating too much animal protein (dammit. Although I did put away over a pound of steak one night last week, but I hadn’t really had much protein over the course of the day). She pointed me to 101 Cookbooks and I liked her salads so much, that I decided to incorporate them into my meal planning for this week. And just the other day, I was thinking that I needed a good, basic, pancake recipe. And then Amber posted her pancake recipe. So I took this as a sign that I should start this meal planning thing again.

But, internets, I don’t know about this. I have taken this meal planning to a whole other level. Seriously. Its on a spreadsheet. There is a second worksheet on it that has a Complete Shopping List For the Week. That are sorted by category.

Add to that in about 10-12 weeks, if not a bit earlier (but not TOO much earlier), I’m just not going to have the time to do a hell of a lot of cooking or planning.  So I want to plan out six months’ worth of meals. On a spreadsheet. With weekly shopping lists. That are sorted by category.

Today, I’ll be making a week’s worth of breakfast wraps and storing them in the fridge. Also, a big batch of the chopped miso salad from 101 Cookbooks ( link below).

So here you go: Menu Plan Monday for the week of March 9-14

9 Mon
Eggs & toast
Pasta salad with chickpeas & avocado
Roast Chicken with vibrant green beans

10 Tues
Breakfast wrap
hamburger soup (already in freezer); salad
Leftover pork roast with salad
11 Wed
Breakfast wrap
Chopped miso salad 
Leftover chicken with cooked veggies and rice

12 Thu
Toast with cheese and peanut butter (not together – one slice with cheese, the other with peanut butter)
Pasta salad with chickpeas & avocado
Steak, wild rice, salad with balsamic vinaigrette

13 Fri
Cottage Cheese with cucumbers and toast
Chopped miso salad with chicken added
Dinner: TBD, probably order in because its the second-to-last episode of BSG, EVER.

14 Sat
Pancakes and bacon
Chicken sandwiches and salad
Almost cheeseless pasta casserole; meatballs in marinara sauce; salad

Because I’m having problems putting a coherent sentence together, you get a list:

1. Darren starts his new job on Wednesday. yay!

2. My last day of work is April 9. After counting on my fingers, that’s about 25 working days. Or 5 weeks. And that means in 10 weeks we will be parents.

3. I am swamped, absolutely swamped, up til then.

4. I finally kicked this cold and feel a thousand times better.

5. Because I feel better, and I woke up early, so far today, I have:

  • had coffee and breakfast
  • ran the dishwasher
  • gathered the laundry together
  • unloaded the dishwasher
  • made a pork roast and put it in the crockpot (except because we don’t like rosemary, I substituted marjoram)
  • made meatballs with a pound of ground beef I took out yesterday (it was in the fridge)
  • made chicken broth, which is simmering on the stove for another 45 minutes.

6. Decided that when I opened the oven after preheating it for the meatballs (I make them on the broiler pan and grid), and smoke came out so that my eyes watered, it was time to run the self-cleaning cycle. Remember this, kids.

7. I dug out the manual for the oven, because in 2.5 years of owning the oven, I have never run the cleaning cycle.

8. I read it and realized that part of the self-cleaning cycle includes myself cleaning the door and glass. So I cleaned it. Ew.

9. Got all the old stains off my big aluminum skillet using the cream cleaner stuff for the oventop and a brillo pad. Now I need more oventop cleaner. (Yes, I washed the skillet really well afterwards. I may even put it in the dishwasher which is almost ready to be run again)

And I am still in my pajamas. These days, the pajamas are the ultimate in sexiness: my (oversize) pajama bottoms paired with one of Darren’s tshirts because the tops of my pajamas are not comfortable.

Sexy, indeed.

For those that really want to know: we are not in the least prepared for the baby. At all. We have some clothes, a bassinet, a dresser that we’re not using, and figure that’s a good start. We need blinds, diapers, all the day-to-day stuff. So the kid won’t have to sleep in a drawer or anything, but may have to go naked for bit.

And that’s why my last day of work is so far in advance of my due date of May 16. I am hoping (crossing fingers) that I’ll be able to get most of it done in that time.

Speaking of due dates and baby prep, we’ve been attending prenatal classes on Monday evenings (as if we weren’t busy enough). The leader is also a doula and is really nice, kind of crunchy in a hippie sort of way, and us and the rest of the people in the class are, well, not.

She asked, for instance, if anyone was planning on a homebirth with a midwife. Kudos to those who do want that, however its not my style. And its not the style of anyone else in the class.

Then she asked if anyone was planning on a non-medicated birth. And all the women looked at her like she had 5 heads. One of the husbands started so say that he didn’t want his wife to have medication during the birth, and she turned around and told him, “Then YOU can have the baby.”

All in all, a really good group. Am seriously considering a post-baby party for all of them in July.

March 2009


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