Resolving Timeline Issues

Faking it

Posted on: June 14, 2009

So yesterday I went to the BlogHerVanCity thing and met some frabjous (and hot*) people, some of whom I’ve been chatting, emailing and tweeting with for months. Kind of a reverse one-night stand, if you will. The poptart slept all of the way there even though I strolled her down the torn-up Granville street that has no sidewalks except packed gravel and from one noisy location to another. Then she slept part of the way through the thing, and snuggled with Mr. Lady, ate, then fell asleep again shortly before we left. She sqwaked in the car a bit on the way back and then fell asleep until we got home.

And I met Susan from 5 minutes for mom who (is fabulous and wonderful and I really like her even though we only talked for about 10 seconds), who told me in no uncertain terms and possibly more than once how put-together, calm and organized I am going out with a four-week old. I thanked her profusely.

Because it is not true. By a long shot.

When I got home, the poptart woke up, we had company over and I ended up nursing her all evening, most of it upstairs in the nursery. Darren came up once to check on me and I snarled at him. I went to bed after I nursed her down even though company was still here.

Today, I have been crying quite a bit. Some days are good; some are not so good. Earlier in the week, I tweeted: “today is a hard day” because it was and I spent most of that day crying (she stayed up til 3am. Enough said)

I don’t sleep more than 2 hours at a stretch** (lack of shadows? That’s foundation and concealer and transluscent powder and some interesting eye makeup to make everything lighter – thank you, What Not to Wear). Even when the poptart sleeps longer, I get up every 2 hours, on the dot, to check her. I also lucked out in that I dropped the pregnancy weight within 10 days and can fit into last year’s summer clothes (that lack of muffin top? that’s a pair of pants where the waist doesn’t actually touch my skin unless I bend over or lean back or to the side).

So I take Susan’s words about being put together as a great compliment.

One of the things I tell my swim instructor candidates is if you’ve got a gap in your lesson plan, fake it. DO SOMETHING until you figure it out. Anything. Do something you did before, or try something new. Preferably, try something new that’s not too far beyond the limits of what your swimmers can do.

In other words, fake it til you make it.

So, although its easier to stay home, I go out: to the store, the library, the doctor, coffee and walks with other moms. And I plaster on makeup and a smile and I fake it. Because if I don’t fake it, for while, I won’t ever do it.

And so last night, although I felt left out of the conversation because I had to feed the Poptart, I mourned the loss of my previous life. As an ex’s mother used to say: life BC – before children. At the same time, this is so much better, in so many ways, even if I have to fake it for awhile:

oh baby baby

 

*Hopefully Mr. Lady will let me keep my teeth for that.

**Yes, yes, I know. Sleep when the baby sleeps – not happening. That advice is a load of shit. If I’m still having this issue at the end of the month at the 6 week post-partum check, I’ll mention it to my doctor and see what he can do. And yes, Darren helps out, but really, he can’t lactate and she likes the boob.

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6 Responses to "Faking it"

Only because that kid stole my heart, and no less than 1/3 of my uterus. 🙂

And yeah, sleep when they sleep? Biggest Crock Ever.

I completely agree with Susan – you were a rock star for coming out with such a wee one. It was great to meet you and I hope some sleeping time kicks in soon!

Oh yeah…you are going through exactly what I dread about the new baby stage.

The fake it bit sort of works, but your sanity can only take so much…so cry all you like.

It IS hard. No sleep is hard. Hormones are hard. Being a feeding station for her IS hard.

I sucked too, so don’t listen to me..but from MOST moms…they do seem to get into a better feeding rhythm the older they get…

Hah…

You did an amazing job coming down town with her..I am totally impressed.

It was great to meet you in person. 🙂

I remember crying in the early days, a LOT of crying. It does usually get better as time goes on. I was depressed after my first kiddo was born, and it’s important to seek treatment if you think that might be what’s going on. It sounds like you have a plan on that front, so it’s great.

I never slept when the baby slept. Although with my second I’ve found the occasional nap does work wonders. Sometimes an hour lying down really does make the world seem like a better place. And in the meantime, getting out of the house will help. Meeting other people in the same boat is also great, people who can understand where you are right now. I say playgroups saved my sanity, and I totally mean it.

Hmmm…should I come over Saturday and watch Poptart while you sleep and contemplate the infinite?

It was nice to meet you on Saturday even if it was only briefly. Your little one is DARLING. I was so impressed that you had made it out with a 4 week old and that you looked so amazing.

Those first couple of months are hard as you both adjust to each other, but soon…very soon it becomes easier.

You can totally do this…just roll with it and believe that this is only just a short time and that soon you’ll be looking back and wondering how the time flashed by so fast.

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