Resolving Timeline Issues

So. Yeah. Anyways, or why this space has been blank and I haven’t been shredding

Posted on: August 17, 2009

 The short of it is that everyday tasks have seemed herculean to me over the last month. Shredding was the last thing on my mind.

For the last month or so, I have been feeling…off. I have been angry. And when I wasn’t angry, I was anxious. And when I wasn’t angry or anxious, I was sad. Often, I was all three at once. Getting up was a daily challenge and I dreaded daybreak, which I saw more often than not. Every morning, I’d hope she’d sleep just a little longer, so I wouldn’t have to interact with her as much that day. Every day seemed longer and longer until 5pm rolled around.

Last week, I had an optometrist appointment – a follow up to last year’s laser surgery. The poptart screamed all the way home, a good 30-40 minute drive. The thought crossed my mind that it’d be better to just ram the car into the concrete median, because then someone else would take care of me and the poptart and I could get a break. We both arrived home in tears.

I pulled it together long enough to feed the poptart and then phone my doctor’s office.

It is vaguely ironic when you phone the doctor’s office for help and get a busy signal. It’s somewhat like calling 911 and being put on hold, I imagine.

I did call back and made an appointment for Monday.

There were several times over the course of the few days from Thursday to Sunday and even Monday morning that I almost cancelled. And except for the almost-panic attacks in Zellers and Superstore I might have.

Anyways, I went. And well. Zoloft. Generally, I’m not much for pharmaceuticals. But I can’t afford to have any more time where I’m not 100% there for this:

8 weeks


7 Responses to "So. Yeah. Anyways, or why this space has been blank and I haven’t been shredding"

I’m proud of you!

You can do this! RAWR!!

I’m glad you made the call and kept the appointment.

I’ve been there. Although in my case I usually pictured throwing the screaming baby out the window. I imagined that she would land in a basket and somehow would magically be happy there, leaving me to sleep. I think many, many more mothers experience depression than are willing to admit it. I’m glad that you’re talking about it, and I hope that things get much better for you really soon.

Sometimes being a mom can be a bitch. It is hard work with no breaks (well, it feels like no breaks) and can lead me to often feel a lot of rage. I’ve been having a lotof rage this week anyway.

Good for you for taking care of yourself.

Oh Nicole – I so hope things get better and easier for you. This must’ve been a very hard thing for you to admit to yourself never mind write this.

Good luck. xoxo

I`m 100% convinced that zoloft is the reason I still have a dad. Good for you. Hugs!

Oh, hon – lots of cardio, sunlight and B vitamins for you!

Do I need to whisk you away for lunch again?

Oh sweetie…yeah..been there.
almost there with this one..I think it is only all the support from husband and mom that is getting me beyond it at the moment.

Hang in there…

Let me know if you ever want to talk.

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August 2009
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