Resolving Timeline Issues

Family Dynamics

Posted on: February 8, 2010

I make no secret of the fact that I started getting along a lot better with my parents, particularly my father, when they moved out on me.* My dad and I are just waaaay too much alike to get along well for long periods of time. Although I find that since I’ve been on zoloft, he is much more bearable.** Or maybe that’s the other way around. Regardless, we get along better now, likely due to a combination of distance and medication.

And that long introduction is to say that over the past 15 (?!!) years, we’d see each other over long weekends, holidays, etc. I’d usually drive to their place and could leave when I wanted to because I had my car. We’d email once a week and my mom would call once a week or so. Except when they took off to Mexico every year and then I’d be lucky to get an email once every three weeks.

Since having the Poptart, however, they have been visiting. A lot. Not that I mind because hey, free childcare and the Poptart gets to see her grandparents. I just find it a bit strange that over the past 15 years of weekly phone calls (maybe) and emails (maybe) they suddenly start visiting once a month so grandma can get her baby fix.

And it is abundantly clear that the purpose of the trips are to visit their grandchild. Which is absolutely wonderful. My dad is a completely different person around her and my mom absolutely loves playing with and talking to her. It was only over Christmas that she finally made friends with my dad and he nearly started crying when he was finally able to hold her.

And they are coming into town today, despite swearing to avoid the area during the Olympics.

And it is wonderful.

*No, really. They moved out on me. They bought a condo in the city where I stayed while in university, and retired to their property up north. I didn’t pay rent, but I paid all the other bills, including the property taxes.

**He is also clinically depressed, but refuses to take antidepressants or go to counseling. His medication of choice is Glenfiddich – not to excess mind you, just enough to take the edge off at the end of the day.

3 Responses to "Family Dynamics"

You have the opposite issue than I do. I had a pretty good relationship with my parents while I was at home and then shortly after I moved out/got married. I figured once I popped out a grandchild or 2 (since they were BLOOD kids. My brother is adopted, has caused SO MUCH grief…but that is a tale for another day) they would be ALL OVER me..but no. Instead I feel like an unecessary appendage to the family they could do without most of the time, like I am an after thought. It’s really annoying…

I think I need to visit Her Bad Mother’s Basement soon

I don’t think there has ever been a time where there hasn’t been ‘issues’ between my family and me. The issues have just changed as time changes. There’s always some tension and it’s obvious no one is really comfortable or happy with each other. I admit to being massively envious of those few people I know who have great, relaxed relationships with their parents (and siblings). I hope my own little family doesn’t grow up as strained.

Since the babies arrived I get along SO much better with my mother-in-law. It’s just not about my husband or I anymore, and that’s actually pretty great. It takes a lot of the pressure off, because we just need to get out of the way and let the kids and grandparents play. Then we can actually eat with two hands, maybe even at a real sit-down restaurant.

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February 2010


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