Archive for the ‘Girl Talk Thursday’ Category
Posted February 26, 2010on:
I’d normally have posted yesterday, but yesterday I really didn’t have anything to bitch about. My life is pretty good. The thing I’m going to bitch about offends me deeply, on a fundamental level.
That thing happens to be Jacques Rogge. And the IOC in general.
Last night, the Canadian Women’s Hockey Team beat their US counterparts in the Olympic Gold Medal game. And I say beat rather than “won against” because the Canadian ladies blanked the US ladies 2-0. It was awesome and I am so incredibly proud of our women for dominating the game from the outset.
After the game, they got their beer on and went out onto the ice after all the spectators had left and climbed on the zamboni. And the IOC is all offended by this, and Hockey Canada, being Canadian has apologized.
NEWSFLASH: Hockey players like to drink beer after the game! Also, the sky is blue!
THEN, and OMG my blood pressure (for real this time), Jacques Rogge says something about how women’s hockey will have to become more international and widespread and not so dominated by two countries if it is to stay in the Olympics.
Really, Jacques? Really? Never mind that it took half a century for men’s hockey to become internationally competitive.
And how dare you, you arrogant prick – you couldn’t even wait until after the Olympics were said and done and let the women have their moment?
Fuck you, Jacques Rogge. You owe an apology to all female hockey players, especially the Canadian and American women, who, through no fault of their own, grew up playing with the boys and men. This is how they train. How about the IOC put money where their mouth is to encourage women in other countries to train with the men, and allow girls into boys’ leagues like they do here?
You also owe an apology to the Finnish women who are spectacular in their own right, and all the women all over the world who have fought against cultural stances that may prevent women from participating in traditionally male-dominated sports.
And you owe an apology to Canada and the US – for being so disrespectful that you can’t even let us have our moment.
Fuck you, Jacques Rogge.
Everyone knows I live in the Vancouver suburbs, right? It is All Olympics, All The Time, and frankly I’m a wee bit tired of it. Olympicked out, if you will. Isn’t three days enough? or one?
I am, after all, the queen of Try Almost Anything Once (with the exceptions of heroin and crack and other illegal substances and various other things that offend my not-so-delicate sensibilities). In fact, if Trying Almost Anything Once was an Olympic event, I’d get a gold medal.
What would you medal in?
When I was in university, I had this professor who we’ll call James (because that was his name). He was an interesting character and a social constructivist. Which simply means that he believes we shape and in turn are also shaped by the world we live in. James explained this by using the example of diamonds. Diamonds, you see, are not valuable in and of themselves. They are only valuable because we assign value to them. They are therefore not worth buying.
I asked him what his wife thought of this. He laughed and moved on to the next student.
About a year later, I was picking up something from his house. He wasn’t home, so his wife helped me. She had the biggest diamond on her wedding/engagement set I’d ever seen. I guess I know who won that argument.
Call me a pessimist or jaded, but I tend to view Valentine’s day in much the same way. That is, it’s a social construct: it’s valuable because we (and Hallmark) have assigned value to it. That it’s the one day out of the year where we have to tell those we love that we love them. That we do things for them that we’d normally never do on any other day.
Bitter? Maybe a little. Neither Darren, nor myself are over-the-top romantics. I’d rather let him know every day that I love him and appreciate him for all he does. Isn’t that what being in a relationship is about, anyways?
So this week’s topic on Girl Talk Thursday are the things you’re too chicken to do. While there are obvious things, like heroin or agreeing with Sarah Palin, here’s a top 5 list of Things You Will Never, Ever See Me Do Because I Am a Princess:
5. Be on a show like “Survivor”: really. I just enjoy my creature comforts too much and hate bugs with the fire of 10,000 suns.
4. Camping: see above re: creature comforts and bugs. Add to that campfires. They’re just gross. The whole “living off the land” just isn’t me. I mean, food comes from the supermarket, right?
3. Take a Math Class: I haven’t taken math since second year university. Math, she is not my strength. I am wrestling with this one though, because I would like to be confident doing math. I really would. Math scares the bejeezus out of me.
2. Pet a bumblebee: my mother does this and it gives me the heebie-jeebies. She actually pets them. See above re: insects. There are few things worse than buzzy insects. In fact, the one thing I can think of is my number one.
1. Pet, hold or otherwise touch a snake. Darren will often regale me with the tale of how he once caught a garder snake and took it to his mother (after he showed it to his father who cringed and said, “Go show your mother” – good man); she was making burgers, or something. She took the snake, stuffed some meat in its mouth and sent Darren on his way with the snake.
Really. That story just makes my skin crawl. I’m the person you see running full tilt out of the aquarium where they have the various snakes behind tempered glass.
The scene in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone where the snake comes out of it’s cage?????? OMG, just kill me. I watch it through my fingers.
And don’t get me started on “Snakes on a Plane.” Yes, I watched it. And I cringed and jumped all over the place. And then went and scrubbed myself with a brillo pad in the shower because EW.
Which sounds like a really good idea right now. GAH.
I’ve decided to start participating in Girl Talk Thursday. Hopefully this will mean I post at least once a week. The topic today? Pet peeves.
Most of my pet peeves relate to driving. Are you surprised? I am a pretty angry driver – in fact, I expect the Poptart’s first word to be an f-bomb for that very reason. Here is a sample (and only a sample because otherwise I’d be here for DAYS):
Talking on you cellphone while driving. I don’t care if you have a handsfree set or not. GET OFF THE FUCKING PHONE. You speed up, slow down, don’t pay attention. OMG, my blood pressure.
People who don’t pull up in the intersection while making a left-hand turn. Pull up, ffs. Think about the people behind you.
Be decisive. Make a decision about (i) which lane you want to be in (ii) which way you want to go and (iii) when you’re going to go. I know we all make small mistakes like this, but when you’re constantly weaving and changing lanes, you’re dangerous. And stupid. And OMG, my blood pressure.
Learn to park, dammit. And I’m not talking about parallel parking. I’m talking about straight-stall parking. It shouldn’t take you more than two tries to pull in, and one extra try to park straight. Just because you drive a bigass truck doesn’t mean you can take two or four spots. Because I? Have a baby, stroller, diaper bag, various toys, myself, etc. etc. to haul around and need just one spot.
A yield sign is not a stop sign, or, learn to merge, dammit. Let me make this abundantly clear: IF YOU ARE MOVING, IT IS EASIER TO GET INTO TRAFFIC THAT IS ALSO MOVING. Pace traffic, find an opening and merge. Don’t stop and have all the traffic pile up behind you.
And OMG, my blood pressure.