Resolving Timeline Issues

Archive for the ‘WTF?’ Category

I wrote a bit back about my pet driving peeves. And while these tend to make my blood boil, there’s one other thing that really, really, bugs me.

I am a grammar queen.

“Could have”, people, not “could of”. Hell, I’ll even accept “could’ve”.

Know the difference between their, there, and there they’re.

OMG, my blood pressure.

Which brings me to my issue with CTV’s Olympic Song: “I believe”

It bugs me. Okay, so I’m a bit of a metalhead, but that’s not the reason the song bugs me. It bugs me because it’s gramatically incorrect, all for the sake of a rhyme:

I believe in the power that comes
From a world brought together as one
I believe together we’ll fly
I believe in the power of you and I

It’s you and me. You wouldn’t say “I believe in the power of I” would you?

And this bad grammar is being broadcast all across Canada and around the world.

:facepalm:

The scene: in the car, dropping Left Coast Mama off and preparing to go in to pick up the Poptart:

Me: Oh, a meter.
Left Coast Mama: Oh that’s okay. They don’t monitor the meters at 6:15pm on a Sunday.
Me: Right.

20 minutes later, I get back to the car, put the Poptart in and find this gift on my windshield:

Famous Last Words

(Click to embiggen if you like).

Edited to add: in no way am I blaming Left Coast Mama, who arranged for a group of us to go to High Tea at the Secret Garden, and whose husband, the ever-gentlemanly @AnthonyFloyd, took care of the Poptart for a couple of hours.

I just happen to have the worst parking luck ever. I almost always luck out and find a spot, but am prone to getting parking tickets. Like the time I parked (illegally) to dash into a bakery for 5 minutes, came back out and found a By-law officer writing me a ticket. I hopped in the car and drove off before they could say anything though. And then there was the time on Commercial Drive when the meter expired 10 minutes before I got there and I had a ticket. On a Sunday. At 5pm.

Before the poptart was born a friend gave me a pile of baby girl clothes and a Fisher Price Kick ‘n Play*. It’s a bouncy chair with an arch that…oh hell. Here’s a link to a picture.

ANYWAYS.

Today we put the Poptart in it, then went to pour some wine and when we came back, she’d flipped herself over and out of the chair.

I guess this is why they say not to use it once the baby can sit up. Which means we have to put it away and find her another chair.

Therefore, I am taking donations of baby/toddler chairs. But not bumbos, thank you.

*This is another one of those things that take THREE AA batteries. This one is extra special in that it takes THREE AA batteries in two different spots: the arch and the seat. Fisher Price, I’m looking at you and saying, WTF? 4.5 volts? MAKES NO SENSE.

To all the people who are not:

  • pregnant
  • having a chronic health condition

And starting next week:

  • immunocompromised
  • healthcare workers
  • caregivers of children under 6 months of age or people with compromised immune systems
  • children aged 6 months to 5 years

And are sneaking in line and lying about one of the above to get an H1N1 shot early.

You suck. You taking that vaccine means that someone who has a greater chance of getting seriously sick or dying from H1N1 goes without. That’s pretty sucky of you. Instead, I offer the following suggestions: wash your hands, carry hand sanitizer, take your vitamins and be patient.

That is all.

Halloween post to come later. I just had to get this off my chest.

Edited to add: As of this evening, Alberta has shut down its flu clinics, except for target groups. If you queue jump in that case, you’ve escalated from being merely sucky to douchebaggery.

Alternate title: I should be stuffing diapers.

Ever have one of those days where you need a really long title to your blog post set out to get things done and it just doesn’t happen?

1. Hiking

This was a big ol’ pile of FAIL. Not only was it sort of icky out, but the Poptart and I slept late and it was too late to go hiking with the group I usually go with.

2. Library Storytime

Then I decided that, since I wasn’t going hiking, I’d schlep the Poptart to the library for storytime.

Except she decided to take a nap and woke up right when storytime would have started.

3. Swimming

So I decided I’d take her swimming. We start waterbabies next week and I have yet to take her to the pool, although we do splash and float in the tub. Except at the pool, we won’t be naked. You have to have a pool rental for that*. The pool out here in Maple Ridge is closed until Monday for their annual shutdown so I thought I’d take her to Coquitlam. So I got everything together, changed into my suit under my clothes, changed her into a disposable diaper (easier to handle at the pool) and set off.

On my way to the bridge, I thought to myself that maybe I should go to Langley instead. And then I thought, no, I would just continue on my way.

And then I went over the bridge, and I thought to myself that I should just go to Port Coquitlam because its closer. But I continued on my way.

And got stuck in traffic. What should have been a 20 minute drive took almost an hour because of construction.

And when I got to the pool? It was closed for their annual shutdown.

Note to self: call and check next time.

So I headed back to Port Coquitlam (through traffic, again) and by the time I got to the pool there, the Poptart had fallen asleep. So we went home and THAT’s when she woke up.

4. Cookie Baking

Those of you that know me somewhat well are probably going “WTF? She doesn’t bake.” Well, I wanted cookies and I had all the ingredients so I baked chocolate chip cookies.

The poptart was fussing, loudly, and had some pretty bad gas going on. She squawked for a bit, I nursed her, she calmed down and then she squawked some more until I gave her some cereal. Then she sucked her thumb a bit and started yelling. Then she got quiet. REALLY quiet. Once I washed my hands for the fifty millionth time, I went over and checked her.

See, I’d thrown her diapers in the wash earlier and they were drying so I put her in a disposable.  I had put a second, smaller load of diapers and clothes on because they needed washing too.

When I checked her, she’d blown through the disposable onto her highchair. And I had cookies in the oven.

I cleaned her up, rediapered her in my last cloth diaper, rescued the cookies, put another sheet of cookies rescued the poptart and put her in her bouncy chair with Baby Einstein.

Thank you, Flying Spaghetti Monster, for Baby Einstein and the people who made it. I don’t know what it is, but it captivates the Poptart and when mommy needs a little time to hide the closet make cookies and do laundry, its great.

Then I gathered up all the dirty laundry and went downstairs to put the load in there on second rinse. Then I thought I might as well put the dirty stuff in and just rewash everything. So I did that, putting soap and borax in.

I went down a bit ago and realized I’d left the washer on “rinse” not “wash”. Because I am Brilliant with a capital B, like that. So I put it on wash instead of second rinse. Because, really, does it matter what order its done in?

I am just stunned that I managed to not burn the cookies and somehow make them so that they are crispy on the edges and soft in the middle, how I like them.

I have a chiro appointment tonight; if it goes like the rest of the day went, perhaps I should cancel it.

*Seriously, groups rent the pool and have naked swim times.

For the most part, I lead a fairly normal, everyday existence. Except, it seems, when it comes to traffic accidents. Or at least incidents that involve ICBC.

A decade or so back, I was driving along on a cold winter morning, hit a patch of black ice, and lost control of the car. I had a choice: I could hit the bushes (choice number 1), a fire hydrant (choice number 2) or a telephone pole (choice number 3). I aimed for the bushes and hoped for the best.

I hit the fire hydrant.  And although my little Chevette didn’t launch into the air on the top of the geyser emanating from what was the fire hydrant, the amount of water was quite impressive.

About a week back, I got a call from ICBC saying saying I’d had an accident on September 2nd in Surrey although I hadn’t been anywhere near there. About 5 years back, I had a motorbike. When I moved in with Darren, the bike was not working so well, I didn’t really want to fix it, so I called a junkyard to come and pick it up and that was the last I heard of it.

I never cancelled the plate because…well, I didn’t. I have no excuse. Some jerkwad has been running around with my old plate for the last  5 years and had an accident. ICBC called me because when they put the plate number into the computer my name came up.

Anyways, that just goes away.

And then, there was yesterday. I picked up Darren from the train, we went to the store and were coming back along the highway. I moved into the right turn lane to, well, turn right. In front of the truck in front of me, this mountain bike comes flying out onto the road.

By which I mean somebody threw it onto the road. “The hell?” I said. The truck swerved to miss it, and then the guy who threw it came out and picked it up so I continued on, thinking that he was removing it from the lane.

And then he threw it again. It bounced off its front tire and hit our car on the back passenger door side. Where the Poptart sits. I slammed on the brakes and Darren leaped out of the car.

The guy was already turning around and walking back to his front door.

Now, Darren is not a small man. He stands 6’2″ and 240lbs (or so). He looks like a cop. He has presence when he wants to.

You can bet that guy turned back around right quick.

And then Momma Bear got out of the car and went and gave him shit for throwing crap onto the road and hitting the car where my daughter sits.

Asshat Mountain Bike Tosser: I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to hit the car but I’m sick of these crackheads next door putting their shit on my yard.

Momma Bear: I don’t particularly care. YOU lost your temper. YOU threw the bike and it hit the car right where my daughter sits. YOU could have caused a really serious accident. OWN IT. Unless you’re telling me that the crackheads next door are in charge of YOUR emotions and reactions, and then you have other problems.

There are scratches and dents on the door that need to be repaired. I get to go to ICBC on Thursday sometime.

Oh and the Poptart was completely oblivious to anything that had happened.

But really – who gets hit by a mountain bike that’s tossed into the road?

B.C. will introduce a harmonized sales tax of 12 per cent, replacing the PST and GST effective July 2010, Premier Gordon Campbell announced Thursday morning in Vancouver.

– Obtained from CBC Website. Article dated July 23, 2009.

“I think that before people start talking about tax increases, they should start talking about savings in their own organization,” said Campbell.

– Premier Gordon Campbell, regarding TransLink shortfall and plan for acquiring new revenues, August 1, 2009. Quote obtained from The Vancouver Sun.

Talk out of both sides of your mouth much, Mr. Premier?

The HST is effectively a tax increase for the average consumer. Many things that are now exempt from PST will see the entire new 12% tax put on it. Including things like strata fees.

Oh, and TransLink? You’re screwed.

TransLink had counted on boosting a tax on commercial parking spaces, which now brings in $18 million a year, to raise $57 million annually.

But because the parking tax is a sales tax, it is being eliminated and will be rolled into the HST when it is launched next July 1.

TransLink and transportation ministry officials were scrambling to find a way to fix the problem.

Vancouver Sun, September 3, 2009.

Good thing there’s a review of operations happening at TransLink, eh? Oh, hey, I have a suggestion for you: reduce the number of (unelected) people on that decision-making board. There are nine members. You don’t need more than 5. That’ll cut the costs pretty much in half.

Oh and if they’re not physically present for a meeting? DON’T PAY THEM. That’s right folks – they get paid even if they only have virtual attendance.

Cross-posted at Wet Coast Women.

Oy. Vey.

Posted on: July 2, 2009

The good:

  • I had the foresight to arrange a grocery delivery today. It arrived.*
  • I managed to get in to see the chiropractor this morning.
  • I found a company open 24 hours that can come by and look at my garage door. They answered on the first ring at 7am today.
  • Today is fresh diaper delivery day

The bad:

  • The garage door wouldn’t close this morning; the motor just clicks.
  • I dropped Darren at the train and drove off before he could open the door to kiss the poptart goodbye. Bad Mommy.
  • I strained a muscle in my lower back yesterday.
  • It being fresh diaper delivery day, I put the poptart in a dispoable this morning.

The ugly:

  • I came back from dropping Darren at the train, pulled the car into the garage and switched the door to manual. Which means the door came down and
  • I had to lift the door to get the car out so I could get to the chiropractor with my aching back.
  • The poptart filled 5 diapers this morning.
  • A back strain takes about 6 weeks to heal properly.
  • $350 to replace the garage door motor.

Note to self: drink coffee before going to the train.

*More on that in a later post when I have 2 hands to type with.

Dear Sears Canada:

Why do you only offer a portion of the stuff online that you offer in your stores? This is not helpful when building a baby registry.

Sincerely,

Nicole

_________________________________________________________

Dear Hudson’s Bay Company (HBC):

I thought I would try to support Canada’s premier department store (and the oldest company in the world) with my baby registry. I know you’re having money issues and things have been tough. So because my time is very limited, I was ecstatic when I saw you could make a baby registry online.

Except then I discovered that I could set up the registry online, but in order to add stuff to it, I’d have to actually go into the store. Further, I’d have to make an appointment.

HBC, WTF? I can understand that you want people to actually go into the store because then they’re more likely to buy stuff. But I just want to add stuff to my registry. And the point of an online registry is that I can sit at home, naked, and add things to my registry.

Can we fix this please? I’m assuming its the same for your wedding registry so you might want to do something about that because people are busy these days – they want to be able to build registries when they have the time.

Cheers,

Nicole

________________________________________________________

Dear Toys R Us:

I was looking forward to building my baby registry with you. I am a big fan of the one-stop shopping. Also, you have an online registry and people can order from there so its great for people who are in locations where there is no physical Toys R Us.

Also, the online registry where you can add items you want to it. Seeing as I’m rather pinched on time until my maternity leave starts, and the start of that is too late to build a registry, I thought this was a fantabulous idea.

Except when I tried to add some Pink Zebra Booties, it substituted Blue Elephant Booties. And then I tried to add some pink and purple soothers and it substituted green soothers. And then some pink onesies and yellow onesies and it substitute blue. I thought this was really odd so I looked for an email address where I could ask my question about why the fuck its doing this. Because really, if I wanted blue or green, I would have PICKED blue or green.

(And yes, I know girls can wear blue or green, but the principle is that the customer gets what the customer wants, generally. And when it comes to a baby registry, its a highly emotional process. Don’t mess with Mommy)

And there was no email address on your site that I could find. So I called customer service and was told that the online registry automatically substitutes items when the ones you pick are not available in the warehouse. Upon asking how to fix it, I was told to try again later, or go into a store and to add what I wanted. Or they could connect me to a local store who might have the item in stock and they did they could get the SKU number and manually add it to my registry.

Toys R Us? This does not help me at all. If I had the time to call the store or go into the store, I WOULD GO INTO THE STORE AND DO MY REGISTRY MANUALLY.

The point of an online registry is that people can add what they want ONLINE. Its a disservice to customers, not to mention disrespectful of their time to force them to come in (especially when the nearest Toys R Us is a 30 minute drive away).

So when I finally dig up an email address for you by googling “Toys R Us Canada” I am further unimpressed by your answer that you’re “working hard to resolve this technical issue” and that you’re unable to help me at this point. This is when I ask you to delete my registry.

And I finally got what I wanted: you deleted my registry. Thank you for this excellence in former customer service.

Hugs,

Nicole

  • In: 42 | up the duff | WTF?
  • Comments Off on In which I receive a demonstration of why pregnant women shouldn’t go out in public

I started replying to this post over here, and then realized I was hijacking the comment thread, so I thought I’d make a post instead.

The last couple of days have been insanely busy. On Friday the inlaws called with directions to pick out some baby furniture. So on Sunday we went to the mall and looked at Sears and the Bay and got overwhelmed by the sheer amount of crap stuff you can buy for babies.

As an aside, seriously, people. They’re barely aware for the first six weeks; they’re focusing on growing and staying alive. So long as they eat, sleep and poop, you’re doing pretty good. The toys and swings can come later.

At any rate the result was we found some furniture, he snapped, I cried, he felt bad, we went home. I didn’t sleep much that night because who knows why, really. I ended getting up at 3:30am after giving up on the sleep thing.

That aside, I got a lot done from 3:30 until I had to go to work.

Monday we had prenatal and I’m pretty sure that the instructor likes us less each and every class. Especially when Darren refused to pretend to be a pregnant woman having a caesarean. She was Not Amused.

Note: this story is not as amusing as it sounds, except for the part where the instructor got all school-marm-ish, so you’re getting the coles notes version. Although we did learn lots which is another post in itself and proves just how ignorant we are about this stuff.

So that went from 7-9 after being at work all day. We had managed to get home at 6:30, grabbed a quick bite to eat and dashed out again. I was kind of tired, and went to bed shortly. And someone decided he wanted to get up 15 minutes earlier (there’s a reason for this) and so I missed out on some beauty sleep (waking up every hour the night before + less than a necessary 8 hours the next night = unhappy Nicole)

ANYWAYS (and my, that was quite the digression, but at least I can refer back to it for future posts because the baby brain is killing me. Slowly)…

Yesterday after work we went to the grocery store and then the chiro. I fell asleep in the car on the way home and I am usually somewhat cranky after a nap. I do not nap well and have a hard time getting going afterwards. Darren knows this and doesn’t talk to me much right after I wake up because he knows better than that.

We had two things to do that evening: some groceries and chiro appointments for both of us (they put us in the same room at the same time so it only takes about 20 minutes and $80)

Anyways.

We go to Safeway and its busy (for this one – its usually pretty quiet). And they have about 2 cashiers open. So I stand in line and Darren goes off to do whatever. And I wait while the cashier gets chatty. With everyone. And if there’s one thing I despise its chatty cashiers. I had suggested the self checkouts (which I lurve beyond reason), and Darren scoffed at it. And then left.

He also comes into the living room, changes the channel on the TV and then leaves a bit later.

So I finally get to the front of the line and the cashier and she asks me, “So when’s the big day?” and starts scanning my items.

And I just look at her because (a) its none of her business and (b) she has a job to do and quite honestly asking a stranger when her due date is not part of that job.

And she STOPS scanning, and says, “Well?” and looks at me expectantly like she’s not going to keep scanning stuff until I answer her. Then she started tapping the box of granola bars.

So I relented and mumbled something about May. She started scanning again and launches into a horror story of her own birth experience.

Moral of the story? Use the bloody self checkouts.

Then I went to chiro and he couldn’t get my back to move into place.

Then he says, “Well you weren’t as easy as you’ve been in the past…”


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