Resolving Timeline Issues

Posts Tagged ‘Poptart

So I am approved to Schmutzie’s Grace in Small things. I think it’s too easy to get complacent and complain, and ignore all the good things that happen around us, every day. So I joined the social network too.

And I was approved days ago (February 6, according to the date of this draft), but somehow, the days got away from me.

Today’s grace:

1. Today I am 27 weeks pregnant. With no complications or anything worse than a little insomnia at any time. Hello, 3rd trimester.

2. The baby’s kicks are getting stronger and keeping me up at night. She is particularly active today.

3. A series of fortuitous events in just the right timing means I am picking probably the best time to go on maternity leave and still have a job to go back to in a year. Which means this pregnancy, although occurring faster than we expected, happened at just the right time.

4. This blasted cold seems to be going away and I am generally in good health.

5. Oh and this:



A small thing, indeed 🙂

Today, I guzzled a litre and a bit of water in 40 minutes, and then didn’t pee for a couple of hours.

Because when you go for an ultrasound to see the goods on the being using your bladder as a trampoline (and I have PROOF NOW), that’s what they make you do.

At one point, the tech was scanning and suddenly asks me if the bladder situation is getting too uncomfortable. I said I was fine, so long as I didn’t move too much. “Oh good,” she says, “because your baby currently has his or her feet in your bladder and is kicking.”

All the important organs are in the correct places, in the correct numbers, and the spine is closed. Everything looks good. Baby can wave and was practicing quite a bit.

And we sort of got a look at the goods. What the tech said was that there were no apparent boy bits, and they’re usually pretty noticeable. She pegged it at a 70% chance of having a strawberry-flavoured poptart.*

*As opposed to blueberry.

(Originally written September 11-12)

Overheard, last year, while catching up on episodes of Battlestar Galactica (where the female Cylon fighter is pregnant):

Me: So if a Cylon is a toaster, what’s a Cylon baby?
Darren: A Poptart!

September 10, 2008 – I’d been feeling kind of crappy and tired all week. And my boobs were sore – sore to the point that if I went downstairs or upstairs, I had to hold them. And the sleeping. And the peeing.

Anyways, at some point something clicked and I wandered up to the drugstore on my lunch break and bought a two-pack of pregnancy tests (because a one-pack was only $2 less than a two-pack). Then I made some excuse at work about “errands” and went home early.

By the time I got home, I had to pee. So I dashed upstairs peed on the stick, recapped it and put it on the floor in front of me (flat, like the instructions said). Then I finished peeing. By the time I finished up, I had two lines.

Huh! I said. Wow! I said out loud.

And then I went out, got Darren a package of Poptarts, and wrapped it in birthday paper (his birthday is on the 16th). Then I figured, “What the hell” and peed on the second stick. Within about 30 seconds it came up positive.

Then I forgot to phone Darren to tell him I went home early and didn’t realize he was waiting for me at the train station. He was a little miffed. I put the poptarts on his chair in the office.

When he got home, I basically stalked him until he opened the package.

Darren: Oh! I can haz birfday present?
Me: Yes, open it. NOW.
Darren: [shakes box] is it breakable?
Me: Open. Open. OPEN.
Darren: [turns box upside down] This is killing you more than its killing me. This is fun.
Me: You have to understand, the present is really more of a symbol.
Darren: [unwrapping. Slowly. VERY VERY SLOWLY] Um. [peering at top of box on open end] A box! No! A Kellogg’s box? Breakfast? Poptarts?
Me: Ah. No.
Darren: [scratches head and frowns] OH! You’re pregnant!
Me: [grinning and nodding]
Darren: So who did you call?
Me: Well, I thought you should be the first to know, being the father and all.
Darren: Well, when a woman is pregnant she either calls her mother or her best friend.
Me: …
Darren: So, how did this happen?*
Me: If you can’t remember, it must have been a good night.

Yeah. We’re gonna be great parents.

*Look kids, we are proof that It Only Takes Once. We are however, supposedly mature adults – or so everyone tells us – with income and good jobs. I always say, if you can’t be a good example, at least be a dire warning.

November 2020


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